Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
