Banned from zoo.
Again?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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