Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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