Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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