Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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