I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
420 ftw
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
