I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize