i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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