Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
