ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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