dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
