I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
