I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
