I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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