i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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