Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
