I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
