We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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