By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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