At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
