WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
