if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize