You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
