Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
