I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
