I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Randomize