How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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