what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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