Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is wine microwaveable?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
