if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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