we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
