We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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