Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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