She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
