Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
