im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
