There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
