areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
