It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess