we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
