I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.