im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies