I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK