hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.