Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over