I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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