Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
