remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Welp...herpes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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