i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
