I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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