And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
