mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
