brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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