I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
