she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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