So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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