he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
