Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
