so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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