This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
