he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
