This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
