Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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