She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize