I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
