I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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