Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
