i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
