In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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