Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
