you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize