When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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