Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
