I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
