I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
