He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
