my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
