We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
