just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
