Having a random hookup so left but love u
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
