You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
