It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
